Differential Coping Methods by Gender

One especially grievous disservice of the counseling profession is an under appreciation of gendered responses to grief and internal conflict resolution.  Males and females have particular coping mechanisms to trauma that are diametrically opposed and mutually exclusive.  The helping professions have systematically accomplished a woman centered institution of psychological rehabilitation without even humoring the possibility that men need different help to overcome trauma.

Women heal psychologically by becoming vulnerable for a period of time in the presence of empathic friends, therapists, and lovers.  This period of time is typically nonnegotiable and cannot be fought, reasoned with, or dismissed.  Women need empathy during grieving in the same way they need food, water, and shelter from the elements.  The problem with this inevitable phase of female grief is its complete dominance over male grief.  While females grieve, demands on others are intensified, as they are expected to not only understand what the woman feels, but actively share her emotions.  As a paid mental health professional, this task results in compensation.  As a partner, friend, or acquaintance, this task acts as one more stressor.  The root of this coping mechanism is the community of women and the institution of marriage which was its historical replacement.  Women as a sex can depend on the presence of empathic others when they are in pain.  Men, on the other hand, heal very differently.

Men heal psychologically by becoming strong in the absence of anyone else.  The worse the trauma, the further the man must retreat until he is ready to reengage with the society that wronged him; not as a version of his former self, but as a new man with a revised purpose.  Healthy forms of this disconnection include virtual, physical, and/or social escape, in the form of video games, pornography, bro culture, and other environments promising an opportunity to not only contact reinforcement missing from normal interactions, but to plan, strategize, and vent frustration without social ostracism.  Unhealthy forms of disconnection include mental disconnection, or using mind altering substances or habits to disengage from the pain of trauma, and social disconnection, or the complete rejection of social standards of conduct which results in criminal activity, though such activity may in fact yield short term healing.

The problem with the male need for disconnection following trauma is its incompatibility with the female cycle of grief.  While the female will pull closer, the male will pull away resulting in an inevitable strain within relationships, especially when the trauma is shared.  Women often do not know how to help and may actually aggravate the trauma.  Reminding a man he is an honest, hard working, strong person does not help at all when it is precisely those traits which earned him damage.  What the man needs is an opportunity to transcend those socially prescribed traits for a time to be something else: another sort of man with no need of honesty, hard work, or strength.  Those traits are in fact personal gifts to society.  They are not traits a man NEEDS to cultivate and are often as not traits a man does not WANT to cultivate anymore following trauma.  This will necessitate a degree of separation until a man is not only able, but WILLING to reconnect with his woman and his society on an improved basis.

When this process resolves healthily, the rebuilt man possesses all his former positive traits and a few additional ones as well.  An example might be a Marine, who kills overseas for many years and returns to peacetime society to disconnect for a time before reestablishing contact and sublimating the trauma of his experience into charity, wisdom, and the promotion of peace in others, all of which build upon his former positive traits.  Negative examples include the countless veterans who are unwilling or unable to reintegrate positively with society and become addicts, criminals, and parasites as a result of their disconnection.  The author encourages the reader to meditate upon the ways they might support men and women in their lives while remaining sensitive to the particular needs of the injured.

Why Morality is Key to the Martial Way

In practicing the art of war and peace and resolving oneself to the martial way, the question of morality assumes a central role.  This owes to a practical necessity of the martial artist: the need to control the scope of conflict.  Those warriors not entirely convinced of the morality of their actions fight not only opponents, but themselves.  While engaged in physical or diplomatic conflict, they also wage an internal battle of ethical debate which paralyzes effective, immediate action.  By not establishing moral standards before a battle, they must do so in the heat of the moment, often with weak results.

So what is considered "good?"

Schneevies often define "good" in a cultural relativistic perspective as anything deemed "good" by a given culture.  This standard, though it aspires to objectivity, is a false standard.  One cannot establish an absolute value which rejects all absolute values.  It is an illogical position.  Further, it provides weak justification for action.  No true warrior will fight to the death just because their culture says it is right.  That dubious justification is susceptible to the manipulation of schneevies, who wish to have control over the strong by influencing their standards of action.  Such schneevies become Cultural Marxists, Bible thumping nutjobs, and others who dictate to soldiers why and how to fight without ever fighting themselves.  In actuality, cultural relativism is used as a cover for a schneevie's true morality, described below.

Scumbags often define "good" in an individualistic hedonist sense, where "good" is anything that brings them pleasure on an individual level.  The needs of others in this hedonic calculus are assumed to not even exist, and if they DO exist, their suffering either has no moral significance, or is itself "good" when it serves the pleasure of the hedonist.  These individuals act with strong conviction because they hold their pleasures on a higher moral plane.  It is against these individuals that warriors fight.

So how does the "good" warrior define morality?

Firstly, good and evil are overly rigid categories of moral action.  Moral actions rarely originate from lengthy ethical deliberation.  Often, morality is a matter of intuition, such that the right action is often known prior to any ethical consideration whatsoever.  Also, there are inevitable exceptions to every absolute ethical standard which invalidate all of them, at least in some situations.  Despite the intuitive nature of ethical reasoning, a martial artist participating in the morally ambiguous realm of conflict can benefit from reasoned consideration of ethical standards when 'the right thing' seems unclear.

Another way to conceptualize good and evil is to replace them with "better" and "worse."  This standard of evaluation has the advantage of leaving open the possibility of ethical ambiguity and allowing a warrior to strive for "best," even if exceptions exist in their rationale.

This author, when faced with an ethical conundrum, finds a couple simple perspectives to be crucial for establishing moral standards before battle.

First, to comply with a priori moral principles, one's actions must embody the "good will."  To Immanuel Kant, the "good will" is the only unconditional virtue.  For example, one can possess all other virtues such as cleanliness, obedience, honesty, competence, strength, and intelligence, but these traits will only make one more evil if they help in the murder of innocents.  Therefore, a warrior should first embody the "good will" as a way of life before conflict ever develops.  Those things which are good in an a priori analysis can be universalized in all instances or reversed upon oneself without harm, so, for example, if one kills an intruder for breaking and entering their home, their action is good only to the extent they can accept death as a suitable punishment for ANYONE caught breaking and entering a home, and/or personally accept death as a consequence for breaking and entering the home of another.

Second, in situations where moral "good will" seems debatable, one should weigh the consequences of proposed actions.  In a consequentialist utilitarian analysis, good is defined by those actions which maximize happiness and/or minimize suffering for the greatest number of people.  This simplistic moral calculus is not absolutely applicable due to its support of the collective above the rights of the individual, but it is another tool which can help resolve moral ambiguity.  In the home breaking example, killing an intruder might be considered 'good' in a consequential analysis if the action causes a reduction in home break ins and a greater respect for community private property rights.

This author posits that when an action conforms with both of the above standards, the action is better than one which contradicts one or both standards.

Therefore, a martial artist, to ensure the moral righteousness of their cause, should do the following: 1. Always intend the best for oneself and one's opponents, 2. When possible, avoid causing harm to one's opponents unless the necessity of victory prevents it, and if possible, attempt to leave opponents better off, 3. Never fight for pleasure or value any pleasure derived from battle.

Lastly, it is helpful when fighting "evil" to remember that "evil cannot be conquered in the world.  It can only be resisted in oneself" (Master Po, Kung Fu).

The Art of Killing and Luka Magnotta

This blog has not shied from the controversial, as freedom of speech is a core foundation of civilized conduct.  Talking, thinking, and writing are not fighting and therefore should not be reacted to as attacks against anyone.  However, the topic of Luka Magnotta, the Canadian killer and cannibal, has been a contentious topic of inclusion for this author.  On one hand, the proper reward for a narcissistic serial killer obsessed with their own cycle of destruction is to be utterly ignored.  On the other, his exploits illustrate a significant contradiction in how martial arts are properly practiced and how they are perceived by the western public.

Luka Magnotta, for those unaware, practiced the art of killing and mutilation, the aesthetic appreciation (or fetishism) of death.  He began his career in killing by idolizing famous serial killers and appreciating the products of their aggressions.  After a forgettable stint as a gay escort, he filmed videos of himself suffocating and drowning kittens and feeding one to a python.  This ensured internet notoriety and fueled his solipsistic self admiration which drove him to a new ambition for social attention: killing, dismembering, and sodomizing a human being, Lin Jun.  In so doing he joined the ranks of Carl Panzram, Jeffrey Dahmer, and other social failures.  Congratulations Luka Magnotta.  Enjoy prison.

(It is worth noting that a blog lukamagnottaobsession.wordpress.com exists which should be required reading for anyone seeking to understand the dark side of female psychology.  This porkster sure does set a positive example of femininity, what with the idolization of a convicted murderer and all.  Such people are schneevies: too weak to do any killing of their own, but evil enough to appreciate the killing of others.)

I reference this scumbag to illustrate how well intentioned martial artists can set themselves up for misrepresentation.  The Martial Arts actually teach two diametrically opposed strategies to war: 1: the ability to resolve conflict with as little damage to yourself and an opponent as possible 2. the ability to quickly fuck up, mutilate, harm, and kill an opponent with great cruelty.  Those of good intent will perceive your enthusiasm for martial arts as evidence that you value the former strategy, because they also value the former.  Those of evil intent will perceive your enthusiasm for the martial arts as evidence that you value the latter, because they also value the latter.

As such, a martial artist communicating their passion will convey two diametrically opposed impressions when dealing with others.  They will pull good people closer by instilling a sense of virtue and love of peace.  They will also repel enemies by instilling a sense of impending cruelty and murder.  In some cases, the latter reaction is favorable: such as when a mugger notices one's uniform and retreats to rob another day.  In other cases, the latter reaction is devastating, such as when a jealous coworker (the gender should already be obvious) poisons the well against a martial artist with false stories of their intimidating and violent fixations.

Remember dear reader, that though some of good intent may fancy you a peaceful warrior, others of evil intent will perceive you as a fetishist of death like Luka Magnotta.  As such, the reader is encouraged to carefully select who they tell of their martial path.

The Inevitability of Separation and Conflict

In my martial career I have had the great fortune to train with extraordinary individuals; people who excel on a number of levels in multiple capacities.  An inevitable price of these gifts is the inevitable loss of contact which occurs as training partners move away, die, or lose touch with the martial way.

Due to the nature of the martial way as a form of personal development which cannot by its nature be possessed by others, the losses incurred in this way of life were also never possessed in the first place.  In reality, what is lost was never possessed, but merely shared.  The only literal possession is one's life, which means that loss is itself impossible, as no one is alive to grieve for their lost life and the only ones who do grieve are others, who might incorrectly equate their sharing of one's life as a possession.

Grief grips those who lose money, dignity, love, or respect, but to what effect?  In reality, one shares their money, their dignity, their respect with others and has the responsibility to share and withhold those things fairly.  But if one begins life without money, dignity, love, and respect and then ends life without those things, they cannot be said to have lost anything more than their life.  (With relation to love, this view may be contentious, but do remember that virtually every child is conceived before any mother is aware of them).

Hence, the proper way to deal with 'loss' is to let the shared experience drift away with appreciation.

For those who have taken the life of another, or unjustly deprived them, either purposefully or accidentally, the cure to the justifiable guilt is not to continually self flagellate, but to take concrete steps to never allow those events to occur again.  One should appreciate the guilt as a painful lesson and respect that guilt enough to change their life permanently.  The only justifiable guilt is when one is unwilling to change a destructive course of action.  Those who kill or harm others are not defined by those actions, but by their response to those actions.  Those who avoid repeating those outcomes for the rest of their lives are redeemed.  Those who repeat them have surrendered to a cycle of destruction and will perpetually suffer for it until they insist on changing.

When a shared experience drifts away, the false feeling of loss can become addictive.  This can be seen in those who seem shackled to cycles of conflict.  Instead of acting to reduce conflict, or ride the high and low points of the conflict wave with skill, they insist on revving conflict out of control whether purposefully or nonpurposefully by splashing around recklessly.  Those who pursue these coping strategies become forces of destruction who allow their need for conflict to infect their romantic and business relationships such that otherwise peaceful interactions become conflicted when that individual takes part.  These individuals cannot communicate tactfully, choose friends appropriately, nor otherwise take constructive steps to reduce conflict.  They revel in cycles of destruction and cannot feel fully satisfied with peace, silence, or contemplation.  These sort of people, whether they are intentionally or otherwise geared for that approach must be avoided or counseled toward peace by those who seek to maintain the martial way.  Determining these types of people is easy: avoid anyone who interprets your silence or stillness as an attack.

The way to peace is never through further conflict.  The reader is encouraged to meditate on ways of restoring their stillness and tranquility and to share that peace with others.

Martial Conditioning: Dips

Intro: Dips consist of suspending one's body by the hands between two bars, rings, or chairs, bending the arms to lower the body as far as safely possible, and then pushing the arms to lockout.  Whereas handstand pushups train the smallest stabilizing muscles of the upper body in the extreme overhead range of shoulder flexibility, dips train the largest muscles of the upper body in the extreme backwards range of shoulder flexibility.  In this way, dips train all pressing muscles that are underdeveloped by floor and handstand pushups alone.  In fact, by pairing high volume dips with endurance planks, training regular pushups becomes entirely unnecessary as the upper body and core will be strengthened to a greater degree by this pairing than any volume of regular pushups. 

Muscles Worked: Dips primarily develop the chest, triceps, shoulders, and lats to form a bodybuilder's physique, with a large chest and arms.  In particular, all three heads of the triceps and the chest are greatly stimulated to grow, particularly with a full range of motion.  Secondarily, the rotator cuff, traps, and midsection are activated by high repetition dips. 

Why do Dips? The dip has been described as the upper body squat, as it involves using the arms in an analogous fashion to the legs during a squat.  Similarly to the squat, the dip can provide muscle building or fitness building benefits depending on whether the movement is weighted or unweighted.  The holistic effect of dips owes to the sheer volume of muscle activated by the movement.  The entire front and back of the upper body is taxed by a long set of dips which results in a massive hormonal response and almost immediate development of larger upper body musculature.

Before the bench press became the standard upper body exercise, both the weighted dip and standing overhead press were used to develop gigantic upper bodies during the golden age of bodybuilding.  The dip developed the inner frame on the front of the body, which gave the appearance of thickness and sexual masculinity, while the overhead press developed the outer frame, which has already been explained as an important predictor of martial capacity. 

Meanwhile, in traditional fitness settings such as gymnasiums, physical education classes, and military bootcamps, the dip was used without weight as a replacement for the pushup to build upper body durability.  It is worth noting that high repetition, full range dips will skyrocket pushup performance while the inverse relationship may not apply.  Dip performance can be maintained, but not improved, through the sole use of pushups.

The dip can be used as a sole pressing movement by those trainees who wish to avoid loading the spine, as the body is allowed to hang freely.  This qualifies the dip as the only pressing movement which decompresses the spinal discs, particularly when weights are hung around the waist.

The dip should not be used by those trainees who are overweight, as the combination of a large belly and a large chest can result in a bulky Samoan physique which will accentuate obesity.  Also, the dip should be avoided by those who do not wish to gain muscle, as it will quickly bulk a trainee up in coordination with an appropriate diet.

The dip can be used as an occasional replacement for pushups, a standalone exercise, or as a means of developing shoulder flexibility in those with healthy shoulders. The ring dip can increase full body strength to a greater degree than parallel bar dips by increasing the stabilizing requirements, which also necessarily decreases the amount of anterior muscle sculpting by spreading muscle recruitment more uniformly across the upper and middle body.

Likely Results of Dips: Those who train the dip with either heavy weights or high repetitions will develop fantastic inner frames.  Pictures below show accomplished practitioners of both weighted and unweighted dips.  Notice the tricep, chest, and shoulder development evident across all four exemplars.