Our culture suffers from an underestimation of masculinity, both in its present state and in its potential. The following are some situations indicating that one has achieved a balanced masculine presence.
*When insulted, one's first impulse is to laugh, joke, or artfully reverse the insult with the offender.
This situation shows that one's ego has not grown to dangerous levels. Attackers will often attempt to unbalance opponents with insults, particularly if they cannot hope to physically defeat them. No insult, no matter how grievous, warrants physical attack. All insults are indicative of weakness and insecurity. This admonition does not apply to threats, which may be parried with a joke, but must always be treated seriously.
*One can urinate readily and easily in a crowded public bathroom without anxiety.
Every man is born with a reflexive aversion to urination in front of others due to its evolutionary associations with territoriality. If this aversion is missing from a man, he is confident in his territory and does not accept the claims of others over his physical space. The reader should note that civilization has all but eliminated the necessity of physical territorial contests. Only in war and savagery is territoriality an important trait.
*One has fought/wrestled with bare fists to the point of injury without fear.
This sort of contest is increasingly rare in modern civilization. As good men have abandoned the study of combat, evil men have grown more emboldened in the use of violence as a tool of control and amusement. Therefore, good men have a civilizational responsibility to train in combat.
*One is immune to shame.
Shamelessness is an important prerequisite for opposing arbitrary social control. A man with no shame has no master.
*One tends toward silence rather than complaint when angered, disappointed, or depressed.
This trait indicates a disavowal of social relationships based on common complaint. One's pain cannot ever be shared and has no worth in directing one's decisions.
*One does not apologize to anyone, for any reason.
Apology is a submissive act which communicates one's inability to solve a problem. A healthy man skips the apology and fixes the problem.
*One does not pine for women or require their approval to find happiness.
This trait enables a man to sidestep sexual manipulation and judge people of all sexes by their character.
*One can easily meet all his financial, nutritional, shelter, and mobility needs autonomously, if necessary.
A man who can care for himself entirely alone is less susceptible to manipulation and more able to respond to the actual limitations of his environment in place of the artificial limitations imposed by acquaintances.
*One can say anything worth saying in a single sentence.
Laconic, unhurried speech indicates one's control of a situation. Very little speech is necessary for a man to communicate effectively.
Showing posts with label Gender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gender. Show all posts
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Monday, December 30, 2013
Differential Coping Methods by Gender
One especially grievous disservice of the counseling profession is an under appreciation of gendered responses to grief and internal conflict resolution. Males and females have particular coping mechanisms to trauma that are diametrically opposed and mutually exclusive. The helping professions have systematically accomplished a woman centered institution of psychological rehabilitation without even humoring the possibility that men need different help to overcome trauma.
Women heal psychologically by becoming vulnerable for a period of time in the presence of empathic friends, therapists, and lovers. This period of time is typically nonnegotiable and cannot be fought, reasoned with, or dismissed. Women need empathy during grieving in the same way they need food, water, and shelter from the elements. The problem with this inevitable phase of female grief is its complete dominance over male grief. While females grieve, demands on others are intensified, as they are expected to not only understand what the woman feels, but actively share her emotions. As a paid mental health professional, this task results in compensation. As a partner, friend, or acquaintance, this task acts as one more stressor. The root of this coping mechanism is the community of women and the institution of marriage which was its historical replacement. Women as a sex can depend on the presence of empathic others when they are in pain. Men, on the other hand, heal very differently.
Men heal psychologically by becoming strong in the absence of anyone else. The worse the trauma, the further the man must retreat until he is ready to reengage with the society that wronged him; not as a version of his former self, but as a new man with a revised purpose. Healthy forms of this disconnection include virtual, physical, and/or social escape, in the form of video games, pornography, bro culture, and other environments promising an opportunity to not only contact reinforcement missing from normal interactions, but to plan, strategize, and vent frustration without social ostracism. Unhealthy forms of disconnection include mental disconnection, or using mind altering substances or habits to disengage from the pain of trauma, and social disconnection, or the complete rejection of social standards of conduct which results in criminal activity, though such activity may in fact yield short term healing.
The problem with the male need for disconnection following trauma is its incompatibility with the female cycle of grief. While the female will pull closer, the male will pull away resulting in an inevitable strain within relationships, especially when the trauma is shared. Women often do not know how to help and may actually aggravate the trauma. Reminding a man he is an honest, hard working, strong person does not help at all when it is precisely those traits which earned him damage. What the man needs is an opportunity to transcend those socially prescribed traits for a time to be something else: another sort of man with no need of honesty, hard work, or strength. Those traits are in fact personal gifts to society. They are not traits a man NEEDS to cultivate and are often as not traits a man does not WANT to cultivate anymore following trauma. This will necessitate a degree of separation until a man is not only able, but WILLING to reconnect with his woman and his society on an improved basis.
When this process resolves healthily, the rebuilt man possesses all his former positive traits and a few additional ones as well. An example might be a Marine, who kills overseas for many years and returns to peacetime society to disconnect for a time before reestablishing contact and sublimating the trauma of his experience into charity, wisdom, and the promotion of peace in others, all of which build upon his former positive traits. Negative examples include the countless veterans who are unwilling or unable to reintegrate positively with society and become addicts, criminals, and parasites as a result of their disconnection. The author encourages the reader to meditate upon the ways they might support men and women in their lives while remaining sensitive to the particular needs of the injured.
Women heal psychologically by becoming vulnerable for a period of time in the presence of empathic friends, therapists, and lovers. This period of time is typically nonnegotiable and cannot be fought, reasoned with, or dismissed. Women need empathy during grieving in the same way they need food, water, and shelter from the elements. The problem with this inevitable phase of female grief is its complete dominance over male grief. While females grieve, demands on others are intensified, as they are expected to not only understand what the woman feels, but actively share her emotions. As a paid mental health professional, this task results in compensation. As a partner, friend, or acquaintance, this task acts as one more stressor. The root of this coping mechanism is the community of women and the institution of marriage which was its historical replacement. Women as a sex can depend on the presence of empathic others when they are in pain. Men, on the other hand, heal very differently.
Men heal psychologically by becoming strong in the absence of anyone else. The worse the trauma, the further the man must retreat until he is ready to reengage with the society that wronged him; not as a version of his former self, but as a new man with a revised purpose. Healthy forms of this disconnection include virtual, physical, and/or social escape, in the form of video games, pornography, bro culture, and other environments promising an opportunity to not only contact reinforcement missing from normal interactions, but to plan, strategize, and vent frustration without social ostracism. Unhealthy forms of disconnection include mental disconnection, or using mind altering substances or habits to disengage from the pain of trauma, and social disconnection, or the complete rejection of social standards of conduct which results in criminal activity, though such activity may in fact yield short term healing.
The problem with the male need for disconnection following trauma is its incompatibility with the female cycle of grief. While the female will pull closer, the male will pull away resulting in an inevitable strain within relationships, especially when the trauma is shared. Women often do not know how to help and may actually aggravate the trauma. Reminding a man he is an honest, hard working, strong person does not help at all when it is precisely those traits which earned him damage. What the man needs is an opportunity to transcend those socially prescribed traits for a time to be something else: another sort of man with no need of honesty, hard work, or strength. Those traits are in fact personal gifts to society. They are not traits a man NEEDS to cultivate and are often as not traits a man does not WANT to cultivate anymore following trauma. This will necessitate a degree of separation until a man is not only able, but WILLING to reconnect with his woman and his society on an improved basis.
When this process resolves healthily, the rebuilt man possesses all his former positive traits and a few additional ones as well. An example might be a Marine, who kills overseas for many years and returns to peacetime society to disconnect for a time before reestablishing contact and sublimating the trauma of his experience into charity, wisdom, and the promotion of peace in others, all of which build upon his former positive traits. Negative examples include the countless veterans who are unwilling or unable to reintegrate positively with society and become addicts, criminals, and parasites as a result of their disconnection. The author encourages the reader to meditate upon the ways they might support men and women in their lives while remaining sensitive to the particular needs of the injured.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Fighting Masculinity... Or Men?
This blog is not intended to contribute to the MRA movement, but MGTOW has many parallels with the life path espoused here. As such, it is appropriate for this blog to discuss the way that western culture has attempted to annihilate male identity, thereby attacking martial valor by extension.
If you live as a man in western culture, you face a greater enemy than any physical threat. Those who educate you, raise you, and even those who train you for battle have systematically discouraged, denigrated, and shamed your identity for no other reason than you are male. These cowards have not even had the courage to attack you directly. Rather, they attack your "masculinity." This culture is not involved in a gender war, but a bloodless gender ethnic cleansing. In a metaphorical sense, western culture has attempted to castrate all male behaviors with the tools of political correctness, "offensive" language, and other ways of portraying perfectly normal male behaviors as pathological. If you want proof of this, simply attempt to do the following activities that used to be normal and unoffensive in the past:
*Start a male only athletic club, fraternity, or even a group of men who just meet and discuss issues.
*Strengthen your body for any reason other than looking more attractive to the other gender.
*Say NO to a person of the other gender... any person... for any reason.
*Own a weapon and support the use of weapons for self defense.
*Reward and punish males and females equally for the same behavior.
*Support the martial arts as a social institution and train to improve your skills.
*Teach children, or insist on being a father to your children.
I'll make the outcome easy for you: your club would be labeled discriminatory against women or outright dangerous, your strength would threaten others, your saying no would be seen as evidence of misogyny, your weapons would be treated as dangerous, your equal treatment would be deemed disrespectful or even hateful, your involvement with children would implicate you as a predator, and your martial training would be seen as evidence of your malicious intent. These activities, when performed by men, generate suspicion, political debate, and even outright attack.
Now pretend that it is women participating in the above activities. Do they receive any negative social sanction WHATSOEVER? Female only clubs are normal. Girls in the martial arts who own weapons are empowering themselves. A woman saying no is just asserting herself. A woman strengthening her body for health alone is a yogic inspiration. A woman treating men and women exactly alike for the same behavior is fairness. A woman taking care of her children is normal. Women receive copious praise, you-go-grrl platitudes, and the endorsement of the media and the state merely for doing their fucking jobs and taking care of themselves and their families. Of course they shouldn't be punished for doing these things, but NEITHER SHOULD ANYONE ELSE.
It's important to realize that NONE of the above actions are political. In 1940, if a man undertook these actions, he would neither provoke nor impress any typical citizen. Today, these issues are POLITICIZED wherever men dare to undertake them. Usually a society will politicize an unpolitical action when they seek to deny that liberty. All the items in the list above are being systematically DENIED to men only. Men are being discouraged from starting families, associating freely, speaking freely, and improving themselves. What begins as social shaming will eventually become legislative restrictions on freedom of association, freedom of speech, and private property, all for the ostensible benefit of women, though everyone will ultimately suffer.
The busybodies of state have long known that the best way to control a free society is not to utilize physical coercion, jails, and public punishments. If anything, these tactics have the tendency to make heroes out of insurgents. No, the best way to restrain groups of free men (the greatest threat to totalitarianism), is to treat men as dangerous, shame men's sexuality, disincentivize healthy relationships between men and ANYONE ELSE for ANY REASON, incentivize the destruction of families, and let the resulting wave of female social dissatisfaction beat men down harder than any government purge.
Eventually, the only way to live as a man in this culture who is not punished on a constant basis will be to live single, have no children, work a minimum wage/low prestige job, reflexively apologize to women, disconnect from one's family, and play video games all day in a shitty apartment. The men who live in this fashion have made a totalitarian state's job easier. Rather than the state going through the trouble and effort of housing all possible dissidents in prisons, men are imprisoning themselves in lives of weakness, solitude, depression, and sexless guilt. If you are a male and find yourself slipping into this dystopian lifestyle, wake the fuck up. You are castrating yourself for someone else's benefit.
Some men will say I am shaming them and telling them to "man up." Quite the contrary. I'm telling you to take a stand against those who deny you fair treatment. No one has the right to deny a peaceful man a family, a career, and a fulfilling life. Fear and escapism are not political actions. They are cowardly ways of surrendering to an enemy who had no right to drive you away in the first place. None of this country's political elite and none of the feminist shrikes are avoiding marriage, wealth, and inheritance. WHY SHOULD YOU?
Here are some ways to fight back in your own life: If you are a male martial artist, train in secret with other martial artists. Men sharpen other men just as iron whets iron. Go out of your way to praise your male friends and relatives, especially if they have taken some initiative to improve their strength. Take time to associate with other men in the absence of women merely to talk. Train your body and mind for conflict and support the training of other men. Do not supplicate to women or make excuses for their shitty behavior: treat women fairly, just as their feminism dictates. Lastly, appreciate the women in your life who are strong enough to resist the social rewards for hatred of men. If a woman is loyal and reliable to you, reward her with the same loyalty and reliability, but VERIFY she is trustworthy. Finally, respect your family above all else. These are the only ways left to fight back against the languishing death of our culture. Your actions as a man can be part of the sickness or part of the cure.
If you live as a man in western culture, you face a greater enemy than any physical threat. Those who educate you, raise you, and even those who train you for battle have systematically discouraged, denigrated, and shamed your identity for no other reason than you are male. These cowards have not even had the courage to attack you directly. Rather, they attack your "masculinity." This culture is not involved in a gender war, but a bloodless gender ethnic cleansing. In a metaphorical sense, western culture has attempted to castrate all male behaviors with the tools of political correctness, "offensive" language, and other ways of portraying perfectly normal male behaviors as pathological. If you want proof of this, simply attempt to do the following activities that used to be normal and unoffensive in the past:
*Start a male only athletic club, fraternity, or even a group of men who just meet and discuss issues.
*Strengthen your body for any reason other than looking more attractive to the other gender.
*Say NO to a person of the other gender... any person... for any reason.
*Own a weapon and support the use of weapons for self defense.
*Reward and punish males and females equally for the same behavior.
*Support the martial arts as a social institution and train to improve your skills.
*Teach children, or insist on being a father to your children.
I'll make the outcome easy for you: your club would be labeled discriminatory against women or outright dangerous, your strength would threaten others, your saying no would be seen as evidence of misogyny, your weapons would be treated as dangerous, your equal treatment would be deemed disrespectful or even hateful, your involvement with children would implicate you as a predator, and your martial training would be seen as evidence of your malicious intent. These activities, when performed by men, generate suspicion, political debate, and even outright attack.
Now pretend that it is women participating in the above activities. Do they receive any negative social sanction WHATSOEVER? Female only clubs are normal. Girls in the martial arts who own weapons are empowering themselves. A woman saying no is just asserting herself. A woman strengthening her body for health alone is a yogic inspiration. A woman treating men and women exactly alike for the same behavior is fairness. A woman taking care of her children is normal. Women receive copious praise, you-go-grrl platitudes, and the endorsement of the media and the state merely for doing their fucking jobs and taking care of themselves and their families. Of course they shouldn't be punished for doing these things, but NEITHER SHOULD ANYONE ELSE.
It's important to realize that NONE of the above actions are political. In 1940, if a man undertook these actions, he would neither provoke nor impress any typical citizen. Today, these issues are POLITICIZED wherever men dare to undertake them. Usually a society will politicize an unpolitical action when they seek to deny that liberty. All the items in the list above are being systematically DENIED to men only. Men are being discouraged from starting families, associating freely, speaking freely, and improving themselves. What begins as social shaming will eventually become legislative restrictions on freedom of association, freedom of speech, and private property, all for the ostensible benefit of women, though everyone will ultimately suffer.
The busybodies of state have long known that the best way to control a free society is not to utilize physical coercion, jails, and public punishments. If anything, these tactics have the tendency to make heroes out of insurgents. No, the best way to restrain groups of free men (the greatest threat to totalitarianism), is to treat men as dangerous, shame men's sexuality, disincentivize healthy relationships between men and ANYONE ELSE for ANY REASON, incentivize the destruction of families, and let the resulting wave of female social dissatisfaction beat men down harder than any government purge.
Eventually, the only way to live as a man in this culture who is not punished on a constant basis will be to live single, have no children, work a minimum wage/low prestige job, reflexively apologize to women, disconnect from one's family, and play video games all day in a shitty apartment. The men who live in this fashion have made a totalitarian state's job easier. Rather than the state going through the trouble and effort of housing all possible dissidents in prisons, men are imprisoning themselves in lives of weakness, solitude, depression, and sexless guilt. If you are a male and find yourself slipping into this dystopian lifestyle, wake the fuck up. You are castrating yourself for someone else's benefit.
Some men will say I am shaming them and telling them to "man up." Quite the contrary. I'm telling you to take a stand against those who deny you fair treatment. No one has the right to deny a peaceful man a family, a career, and a fulfilling life. Fear and escapism are not political actions. They are cowardly ways of surrendering to an enemy who had no right to drive you away in the first place. None of this country's political elite and none of the feminist shrikes are avoiding marriage, wealth, and inheritance. WHY SHOULD YOU?
Here are some ways to fight back in your own life: If you are a male martial artist, train in secret with other martial artists. Men sharpen other men just as iron whets iron. Go out of your way to praise your male friends and relatives, especially if they have taken some initiative to improve their strength. Take time to associate with other men in the absence of women merely to talk. Train your body and mind for conflict and support the training of other men. Do not supplicate to women or make excuses for their shitty behavior: treat women fairly, just as their feminism dictates. Lastly, appreciate the women in your life who are strong enough to resist the social rewards for hatred of men. If a woman is loyal and reliable to you, reward her with the same loyalty and reliability, but VERIFY she is trustworthy. Finally, respect your family above all else. These are the only ways left to fight back against the languishing death of our culture. Your actions as a man can be part of the sickness or part of the cure.
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