In a rare fit of psychological flexibility, I took another trip to California, land of perpetual adolescence, where every landmark is childproofed and licensed. I found it to be a thoroughly sanitized, bureaucratic, artificial experience, much like an amusement park. Given my dietary restrictions (nonethical, oil free veganism for heart health), I expected to be entering friendly territory. Surely the stomping ground of hypercritical foodies should feature restaurants well accustomed to meeting market demand for outrageous and capricious expectations. Any place with gluten free options should be able to accommodate the likes of me by simply HOLDING THE OIL. I found out, however, that even expensive restaurants were unwilling to do that much if it meant the server bothering the cook. I must have misunderstood the sort of vegan they were pandering to, as it appeared every restaurant with vegan options I visited featured items fried, sauteed, or baked in oil, but every single one declined my request to make the exact same item cooked in water instead, as if to say, "No, no, philistine. You misunderstand our demographic. We cater to the appearance of health, not health itself. It's ironic, get it?"
Yeah, it's well understood. I lived on apples, bananas, rice, soybeans, asparagus, and strawberries for a week. I'm no worse for the wear, but I am rather disappointed. Am I just too far ahead of the vegan movement? Will oil free become the next trend in my time so I can finally feel trendy like all the bug people? And tell them I was doing it way before it was cool (again) to hold the oil? Perhaps someday. In the meantime, I got to pay a Mexican to cut fresh fruit for me for $10 while my friends bought tourist burgers for $30.
For the past interval, no symptoms. It appears the diet revision is working.
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