From 6 to 9 weeks through the protein increase, I have had to reduce dosage. Symptoms progressed to the point of suffocating after lying down for 4-5 hours every night, falling in and out of consciousness, and getting up unrested to go to work. It was as arduous as sleep deprivation and waterboarding for hours straight followed by forced labor under exhaustion. It was the worst pain of my life and it occurred to me more than once that death would be an improvement. Given this extremity, I first reduced daily protein dosage from 88 grams to 66 grams daily on January 3rd, and then to 44 grams daily on January 13th after suffering continued breathing problems for 10 days. Each reduction in protein corresponded with a feeling of mortal failure.
Now, symptoms have stabilized at an uncomfortable but tolerable middle ground. They neither worsen nor improve. Occasionally, I will experience moments of clarity when I feel reasonably comfortable which subside to a default condition of general malaise. Sex drive has increased and I am creating reliably larger ejaculate volumes day by day. This seems to indicate a degree of success in reversing my infertility, so I am bound to continue. However, sexuality has lost all of its spontaneity and its pleasure is little comfort. On the 13th, I nearly wrote a letter to my family expressing my last wishes in case I did not wake up from sleep. This was a low enough point that I resolved to reduce the protein volume to 44 grams (half of the initial dose). This helped enough that I felt deja vu with my old physical state that initially prompted me to start my whole foods plant based diet years ago. I feel bad enough to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that damage is being done to my body, but I am comfortable enough at times to manage continuing. Except this time, I am purposefully sticking to the diet that I know is causing the symptoms.
This has prompted a variety of worries. I worry for my health, my posterity, and my marriage. I have also worried for my very life, although less so in the past few 3 days. However, all worry is a temporary state, and in 3 weeks, I will have completed 12 weeks of the worst symptoms possible (Keep in mind that I wanted to quit at week 6, again at week 7, and again at week 8). I will then test my semen again for a definitive answer whether I can reverse my infertility and start my family. I am confident I will prevail, given steadily recovering sexual function. In order to safely maintain protein levels, I will be consuming the maximum tolerable dose per day, reducing if needed just to make it 3 more weeks. Once I have 2 tests completed, one conducted under a low protein diet, and the other conducted after 12 weeks of high protein intake, I will have calculated my potential range of fertility and will be able to decide how to best moderate intake moving forward. I have entertained the idea of giving one single good quality sample for in vitro and then immediately returning to a low protein diet and a much happier state of infertility. However, this strikes me as vaguely dishonorable, and I may continue for some time after the 12 week experiment, if only to feel like a normal man for a brief time.
